So you wanna date a musician?

Stereotypes – do they exist in rock’n’roll? Why, YES of course! :)
I was joking around with a friend earlier today, explaining to him what “types” you can normally expect in a band. It’s sort of an astrology type of thing – it doesn’t apply to everybody, but a lot of times, it does. ;)

So, here are a few hints for the ladies!

…is usually the educated, smart dude in the band. He loves intellectual challenges and he’s the type of guy who you’ll feel okay bringing home to your parents. He’s not very likely to be the dude who throws the TV out the hotel window…

He probably had piano lessons when he was a kid and is into classical and experimental, often progessive music. As a person, he’s safe and maybe a little boring. If you’re into bad boys, the keyboardist is not the trouble you’re looking for.

If you want to be the center of a guy’s world – DON’T pick a guitarist. He worships his guitar, if he could have sex with it, he would. I had a guitarist friend once who bought an expensive 2-seat leather couch – for his GUITAR! People were NOT allowed to sit in it! No, I’m not kidding.
The guitarist is the guy who spends hours playing and forgets all about the world around him. A lot of times he’s the one who writes the songs, so the burden of coming up with cool riffs lies on him. He’s also the one who needs to impress other guitarists in the crowd, and they can be brutal. Basically, he can’t afford to suck – so he practices… all the time.
Guitarists are either like keyboardists intellectual, deep thinkers, slightly introverted or absolute guitar geeks. Unless you were born a guitar, don’t count on the guitarist being your Prince Charming.


Singers LOVE attention. They NEED the attention. They will do ANYTHING to get attention. Look at me, listen to me, see me! They are the center of the band, the ones that everybody sees and hears more than they see and hear anyone else. They need to look good, sound good, be entertaining. They are fun to be around and they can easily charm anyone.
Of course, they have a steady following of fans and groupies and most journalists only want to talk to the singer. Steven Tyler. Jon Bon Jovi. Ozzy. Or John Smith fronting the local rock band, it doesn’t matter. It’s all about the singer, unless there’s a real guitar hero in the band (in which case, they share the spotlight like twins).

But eventhough the singer can be a total narcissist and appear to be all full of himself, he is also very sensitive and when you scratch the surface, he can be pretty insecure. He needs love – lots and lots of love. One person is not enough. He needs it from crowds, whether it’s ten or ten thousand people, but it’s the singer’s drug.
If you’re an extremely loving person who wants to spoil your man rotten and you’re okay with women following him around, then the singer is for you.

Oh boy. Here comes trouble! Bassplayers are the PLAYERS of most bands. They get the chicks. Why? Well, they don’t need to practice scales all day long, or write songs like keyboardists, guitarists and singers. They just need to keep a steady rythm – and they only have to keep track of 4 strings (but only need to use two, basicallly). So the bassist can concentrate on the girls in the crowd.

He’s the flirty one, he’s the poser – and let’s face it, the hottest guys in many bands just happen to be bassists…! They get all the chicks. Plain and simple. When they’re on stage they can make eye contact and dazzle with their looks and poses, and off stage they’ve got the time to follow it up too, because while the guitarist and the singer are busy doing interviews or signing autographs, the bassist can concentrate on the girls without being interrupted. So, if you want a bassist, you can’t be the jealous type – it simply won’t work. ;)



Drummers are usually either the clowns or the silent ones that you barely notice – except for when they’re on stage. They don’t necessarily get the chicks cause they’re busy dragging their drum sets around before and after the gigs. Unless it’s a really famous band with a big crew and drum techs that will do all the work, the poor drummer will have to drag his shit on stage and be the last one getting his stuff off stage when they’re done playing.

You barely see him, cause he’s hidden behind his drums, but he’s the observer. You don’t see HIM, but HE sees and notices EVERYTHING. There are so many “dumb drummer”-jokes out there, so you might think that a drummer is stupid. But they aren’t really, they just don’t need as much attention as the rest of the guys in the band. And they are often underestimated. There’s more than meets the eye here.
Caution though – he’s gonna be drumming on EVERYTHING, constantly…! Tables, walls, chairs, doors, carboard boxes, pots and pans, whatever makes a sound. And it’s gonna drive you nuts. But if you can live with that, the drummer is a safe bet.

But basically, dating a musician is not a walk in the park, no matter what your choice is. The band always comes first, his music always comes first. If you want a guy who you can count on being home at a particular time for dinner – don’t choose a musician. His band practice is going to last longer than he said or anticipated and dinner is going to get cold. If that drives you insane, find a banker or an office rat…

If you’re jealous, for god’s sake, don’t ever – EVERRR date or marry a musician. There will ALWAYS be women around musicians, it’s a well known fact. Doesn’t mean that they are “misbehavin'” but if you’re insecure and need constant validation that you’re the one and the only one, if you’re checking his Facebook page and all that, you might want to start looking for a guy with a regular dayjob instead.

When it’s time to record an album or go on tour, it doesn’t matter what ELSE is going on in a musician’s life, the band always comes first. The expression “The show must go on” is true. If the wife is giving birth to their child, if a family member passes, if they’ve just gotten some really bad news, going through legal trouble or a divorce or anything at all…. it doesn’t matter. They will walk up on stage and smile and look like nothing ever happened. They will leave everything behind to go on tour for a few weeks or months. They will spend day and night in the studio for weeks and hang in the rehearsal studio all-the-time.

That’s just non-negotiable. Take it or leave it.

It’s well known that many women think that they can change a guy. Let’s just get this straight: You can NEVER change a musician. Don’t even try. It won’t work. To a musician, his music and his instrument is not his job or his hobby.
It’s who he IS.

So, there you have it – in a nutshell. Needless to say, there are different types of bands, different types of people and all that. But at least you may have gotten a HINT of what to expect. Might come in handy. ;)


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