Never mess with the blonde killers

You waited all day, in all kinds of weather, your feet are killing you, your mouth is dry, you need to go to the bathroom and you’re starving. But it’s all worth it – BECAUSE YOU GOT THE FRONT ROW SPOT to see your favorite band!

And then, you just know it’s gonna happen…  There is that guy who shows up ten minutes AFTER the show has begun, who kicks and shoves his way through the crowd like the asshole he is – and spots the little blonde chick there at the barricade. He thinks “Bingo!” and figures it’s his lucky day. It will be a piece of cake getting rid of that little blondie over there. Au contraire my dear, unsuspecting friend. You might just have made your biggest mistake today. :)

Me and my blonde, concert loving female friends, have been in situations like that many times, and they never ended well – for the dude. Or sometimes for some annoying chick. We know how to disarm them. So never underestimate that little innocent looking girlie there at the barricade, she’s done this before.

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This happened at a Pretty Maids concert at Hard Rock cafe in Copenhagen a few years ago: There was no barricade and my friend was in the very front, when this gorilla type showed up from out of nowhere and decided to HANG on her. He was twice her size and thought that gave him an advantage.

She had nowhere to go and nothing to grab or hold on to, to keep her standing straight. So she got an idea. She took a firm grip of his family jewels and TWISTED them around – 360 degrees. Not only did he stop his nonsense, I think he got a new career – singing Bee Gees songs….

That wasn’t the only time she made her point at a gig.

At Sweden Rock Festival, she had this girl next to her that was waving her arm in front of her face during the gig, so she couldn’t see what was going on on stage. After a few nice attempts to kindly ask the girl to stop doing that (and only getting a stupid grin in return) she quite simply BIT HER.

What was I supposed to do? I just sunk my teeth in her arm when she started flapping it in my face again! But she stopped after that….”. No kidding.

Blonde rock chick number two – we were at a Jon Oliva’s Pain show in Copenhagen and this drunk guy was jumping around like a pinball. He was all over the place, stepping on her toes, on ours, just being a major pain in the behind. After a few “please stop thats” she finally got sick of him and grabbed the chain he had around his neck, and with a strong, firm grip just pulled him backwards.

He was so surprised that he never had a chance to prepare for it. He flew across the room and we didn’t see him again for the rest of the evening.

Then there was that drunk and high son of a b…. at a W.A.S.P concert in Lund, Sweden a few years ago. He was screaming, jumping, shoving, trying to literally CLIMB over us, cause he was so pissed off that we were in “his” front spot (where were YOU when we came in an hour ago, dude??).

After fifteen minutes of what felt like three rounds of WWF wrestling, my friend decided to make good use of her spikey high heel boots – so she STOMPED on his toes with those killing machines for all she was worth.

The dude stopped for two seconds, but was so high on god knows what, that he didn’t feel pain. He continued.

I was furious by the time he focused on me. So I used my head. Literally. I hit him in the face with the back of my head – full force. It even hurt ME and it scared me a little cause the guy stopped, finally. It was scary quiet though. I didn’t turn around to see if I had knocked all his teeth out, broken his nose or done any other kind of damage. But at least we got rid of him…

When you’re in a crowd, you do things you would never ever do in real life. Suddenly it’s the law of the jungle that applies. If you’re trying to ruin my concert experience, I’m not just gonna stand there and take it. I’ve never seen a veteran lady rocker be helpless in a concert situation. We become amazon women ready to kill.

So before you think that “the two blondes in the front row” are an easy target, think again. Rock’n’roll is about blood and sweat, and we’re all in!

One comment

  1. Headless Angel

    But sometimes you just have to back down. Black Sabbath in Copenhagen, Headless Cross tour and somehow us three skinny 17-year olds made it to the front row. After a couple of songs a bunch of Hells Angels in full regalia came up behind us and just pointed to the barricade, that´s where they were going. Can´t imagine what would have happened if we told them to sod off cos we were here first. To be fair, when we let them in they protected us against anyone who tried to push their way in, our place was right behind them for all of the show.

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